I’m back. I’ve been freelancing as a corporate language trainer, and I gave up looking for full time jobs for a bit, and thought I should give other areas of talent a chance in my life. :). So i started baking and while i did my freelance work, it helped a bit, figured! I am quite good at this baking thing. In the middle of being jobless and penniless, i got to go for an awesome holiday to visit my sister in Australia, and that will be another story on my other blog, so check it out.
Anyway coming back to this topic. Recently I got a call from a real estate HR personnel (this is a big wig of realties in India), so i was surprised to receive the call. I had posted my resume for a secretarial post on a job portal and it’s been a while since i sat for an interview, and i was rather surprised since it was a whole new profile.
Anyway I was interviewing for ‘Personal Assistant to the MD’. I met with the HR head on a very hot sunny afternoon, at his plush office not too far out from where I live.
I thought this would be different, lol! what a surprise. He asked me questions like.
HR: why do you want to be a secretary?
ME: Because i believe i have the skill sets to do it.
HR: How will you manage an angry boss?
ME: I don’t know…Hmm!..be mature about it.
HR: looks at me with one eye-brow raised (i don’t know how he does it) but looked wierd like Jonny Bravo!..and then had a lazy eye. :)hahahah. So i couldn’t read that expression too well.
HR: Are you married? Will you be getting married anytime soon?, how old are you?
ME: (thinking!) all questions were asked backwards 😉 hahahaha Ans: NO! God willing! 33!
HR: Lazy eye moves!..eyelid closes…
HR:We will have to re-negotiate salary!
Me: (thinking!)…Yeah! fat chance – been waiting too long for this baby– Ans: SMILE!sweetly!
I came home and i received a call and a very strange one from a consultant i had spoken to earlier, the call went something like this.
Person: Baritone – HEllo! are you Anjali?
ME: yes! who is this?
Nitwit: I’m calling because i got your phone no.?
Me: Really! from whom?
Nitwit: XYZ…so have I caught you at a bad time?
ME: Hmm!.Ok! no, go ahead.
Nitwit: My name is ABC? So, tell me what’s your strongest point? and why do you want to train? Tell me a little about yourself?
Me: Hmm…k (thinking!–this guy just sounds high on drugs or something) — Answered his questions.
Nitwit: So, you’re a localite!hmmm, where do you think i’m from?
ME: thinkking – like i care!..Ans: Well! i’m not sure, why don’t you tell me.
Nitwit : Guess!
ME: Thinking! Fuck! is this guy for real!…Ans: not really in the mood for that.
Nitwit: as I told you i’m from the co. i called you.
ME: OKAY THEN!
Nitwit: So you are the first child, or last child?
ME: Middle, how does that really matter.? (sounded very confused at that question)
Nitwit: K so ur not married? how old are you
ME: 43: why? NO!.(Shithead)
Ntiwit: you said your strongest point is “communication” but you’re not communicating.
ME: Hmmm, well i answered ur questions.
Nitiwit: Ok! i will get XYZ to call you back.
ME: thinking! – DOn’t bloody bother! Ans: Sure, on 2nd thought I’ll call him.
Checking out his whatsapp picture later after the call — He had the picture of a DEVIL..and he sure sounded like one!..>Phew!..wierdoooooooo.
Do HR people really explain themselves well enough, I do think they need classes on etiquette and ways of interviewing people.
Sometimes i think HR personnel are insensitive to other people’s needs. It’s a number’s game i agree, but what the heck! doesn’t the HUMAN element everrrr trigger?
If i did have the opportunity to ever train a bunch of HR ethusiasts, that’s the first thing i would teach them “ETIQUETTE”.
GOod luck to all of you going to interview…point to be noted…’you gotta learn to answer smartly and well! don’t let anyone tell you what skills you have”….or how much you’re capable of. Life’s a game and sometimes you just gotta prove you’re the best.
Good luck ya’ll and i’ll let you’ll know if i do get a full time soon ;).
Well! It’s been a while since i got on to my blog, but it’s been about a year and I kinda gave up believing that there were intelligent HR people to consider for job openings, so, i took to the other passions in my life and it’s proved alright.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the word ” NINCOMPOOP” if not the definition on the free online dictionary states ” a person who is silly, foolish or stupid, an incompetent or an extremely naive person”. It’s my favorite word lately for training dept. heads and other people who have dared to interview me along the way.
This is about an experience I had with a company that hired me for a week long process in training their new hires to interview and bluff their clients sitting in the USA. I didn’t know it until i took on the offer. Either way, I was interviewed by Yogi the bear (to put it subtly, but even the bear is more intelligent) & Princess Fiona (before she becomes an ogre) (All she had were the looks, she pretty much, failed in other areas of her performance). So keeping in mind these 2 characters, i took on the role to train their new hires who they claimed to be above average on their spoken skills, no doubt they have been better than most recruits I’ve seen.
The 2 nincompoops I met, brought little to the table in terms of knowledge and skill. I heard one trainer say to his trainees, and i quote “talk shit on the phone to the client but make it believable” – I mean really! how idiotic can that sound. Either way not to get in the way of their refined methodology, I resorted to my way of training and did the best i could. I was then summoned by the training manager “princess lea”, who flipped her locks from side to side, ever so often that it took away my attention from the crap she was talking.
After about 2 days I realized they not only spoke and taught rubbish but also that the entire management didn’t see through it. Being really happy that i wasn’t part of the organization i decided to voice my opinion about their methods, and well! i didn’t realize in all that time, they were actually afraid I would let the cat out of the bag.
They didn’t ask me to stay the entire week, because of the following reasons.
*I did not tell the trainees to make “shit” sound believable
*I saved the training department Rs. 4000 for my services on a day when there was no work.
*I told them what i thought of their methods when I was asked for my opinion.
If you don’t call such people ‘Nincompoops’ what better word is there? – oh yeah! numskull, nitwit, dimwit, twit, gonzo and …well! i think “nincompoop still rolls on this one!”.
You do judge an organization on the quality of people they hold, atleast I do. I do think all organizations especially their HR and Training departments should be in constant check of their employees and their working routines, to filter out what is really beneficial to the company.
I’m back after a long break and well! the reason was really that i hadn’t been for anymore interviews and I was busy regaining my confidence after that last interview.
I happened to meet some more consultants in the past few weeks and the only difference this time was that i was given freelance projects. I have been doing these training’s and i can confidently say that I’m back :).
Well! over the past 8 months, I kind of reached the end of the rope with interviews, i was beginning to understand that my worse half was getting the better of me. I began to see all interviewers as dimwits and i realized after all the experiences, they don’t f(*&KIN! know what they really want, so recently at the beginning and at the end of all interviews, i’ve been rather calm and composed, i figured out in the first 5 minutes whether I wanted the job or not, whether the interview was worth going through or not, I started the interview and I ended it too if at all.
I interviewed with the head of an IT setup they were looking for trainers to teach their engineers soft skills and basic language skills. The gentleman, firstly made me wait for over 45 min, and as soon as i had run out of patience i went up to the security desk and i told the lady, do let your boss know that he has wasted my time and I’m leaving. I signed the register and the lady looked on with astonishment, i don’t think she’d ever seen an interviewee who spoke like that before. Well! she doesn’t really know what I’ve been through now does she?. As soon as i put the pen down, i was called in and apologized to by the head of training who later on took 15 min to ask my family history and some small talk and then gave me the job description. I heard him out and stated i would not take it.
All the while he kept asking me the 150 questions without looking at me, the moment i said “NO” i got his attention, he looked at me and asked why?. I informed him that i don’t work night shifts and it’s not for me to fill shoes of his incompetent current trainers, whom he can’t get to train at night. HE smiled and said, “if he could speak with my boss and get them to give you better shifts would you consider it?”, and i said “SURE WHY NOT?”. The real interview lasted 3.5 min.
Well! that just goes to show, I’ve kinda got my grove and i think not being desperate about a job and showing that you are confident of yourself, makes a world of difference. I’m quite sure he will remember my interview for a while.
I have realized though, that everyone no matter what position you hold or what competencies or experience you show on paper, if you don’t have certificates added to your name, then you’re pretty much null and void. It’s a pity how industries and incompetent HR personnel filter out candidates. I’m amazed at the concept of “you need to have experience in the field, but i can’t give you the opportunity to gain it!!!” – Catch 22 ! isn’t it! — quite stupid if you ask me.
Now working for Zukerberg and Oprah Winfrey would be alot nicer.! They must surely know what opportunity means.